A season of change … the trees turning shades of yellow, orange and red. The air turning crisp. Wrapped up in cozy sweaters and scarves. Picking apples. Pumpkins nestled on porches in preparation for Halloween. Cravings for hardy meals laced with spices, warming tummies. Soft mittens worn on cool morning walks to the bus and watching your breath appear like magic in
the air. Going for long walks in the woods with a pallet of colours strewn across the forest floor and the sound of leaves crunching under foot. The giddy anticipation of costumes and trick-or-treats from my kids. This is my October. Bringing the season of fall – my favourite time of year!
The fall awakens a fire deep within me; warming me from the inside out in preparation for winter, the season of rest. My heart ignites with fall colours dancing before me, a beautiful sight to behold. (Feeling blessed living in a climate with 4 seasons.) My soul also ignites with the return of
cooler weather, reminding me to be present in my body. Fully present feeling the touch of cold on my face, the warmth of my scarf or the tender hands of a child being held as we walk to a familiar destination. Igniting trust in what this change brings. Releasing old feelings and patterns like the trees surrendering their leaves. Shedding the old then resting in preparation to give
birth to new life once again.
Perched on my mediation pillow I plunge deep into contemplation of what this season of endings brings. This year has brought many ups and downs. Many lessons and moments of learning. Realizations of things that must be surrendered, things that must be welcomed into my being once again. A true sense of trust in my path and knowing that all is unfolding as it should. I welcome the feelings and emotions to rush over me with each thought and each release. Above all I welcome the love of self – authentic, sincere and deep. To love oneself in a moment of quiet and alone is to love freely. To love oneself in the dark moments of release is unconditional. To love oneself in the moment of surrender is bliss.
So I welcome you to love yourself – truly and deeply love yourself unconditionally for the beautiful soul you are. Celebrate endings in your own fall meditation releasing all that no longer serves you. Inviting in the changing of your own colours. Hello October! Welcome Fall! Namaste
Yes, we are all guilty of uttering this word on occasion. Feeling it melt through your courage turning you into a pile of goo – immobilizing your body with its sheer magnitude. Your heart beating out of your chest with anxiety. Watching it devour our self esteem and our sanity pummelling us into a place of desperation or complete stand still. Blocking our positive thoughts eating them up faster than we can spit them out. Counter attacking with thoughts of the ego and of fear itself, spiraling you deeper into the pit of your stomach where you are not sure if you want to scream or throw up!
Familiar place for you? I know it is for me. There was a time after my separation when fear ruled my being so strongly I was unsure if I would ever be free from its grasp. Petrified of the changes that were occurring in my life. Feeling fear taking over my body allowing it to do things my usual sane self would not allow. Stupid acts of insanity born from a place of desperation and fear, which usually cause more harm than good. The moment of sadness or anger when I realize I fell victim once again to fears power. But I broke free and so can you because living life from a place of fear is not living at all.
This was a hard lesson. In daily life I functioned – that is the best word I have for the way I felt in the weeks after my husband left. I pretended to be a happy for my children’s sake, but on the inside I found myself obsessing over what was happening and how I could fix it, never realizing I had little control over what I wanted to change. In fact, I had no control at all. I could not force my ex husband to return to his duties in our family. Acceptance of a new normal was the only choice. This was the moment in my life when my counselor drilled deep into my being the serenity
I must have uttered these words a million times in my head and out loud as I went through my day. Determining control or not over each thought. Slowly letting go of my insane thinking and those things I had no control over. I started to focus on what I did control. What I could change and did.
No overnight project, but months of hard work. I saw the moments fear took the lead leaving me feeling empty and defeated blocking what I wanted most – happiness. Versus moments I was in full control, standing strong in my power, feeling radiant and divine. Learning how to sneak in a left jab against fear, knocking it out. On occasion taking a hit, but mostly giving it. Reaching out to my support system, keeping me in this place of peace. I am grateful for friends who offered words of wisdom, energy healing, support and most of all hugs! With them this journey was much more
So I challenge you to live your life fully. Let happiness take the lead. Need help? Reach out for help. Start with being invested in your healing process and in letting go of fear…I can help. I did it. So can you!
Today I am sharing some of my story … Six weeks postpartum I awoke at 4am shaking and sick. Four days later, it was decided this was more than just the flu and a visit to the Urgent Care was made. After spending a good part of the day, 3 bags of IV fluids, potassium pills and an ultrasound, I was sent home with instructions that if the pain and fever did not cease I should come back. 2 days later, that is what I did. Much worse this time with severe pain through my entire body, a high fever and shortness of breath.